Brazilians and Postal Workers

So I guess I only blog when I have time. I suppose that makes sense. I recently had an interesting thought about my time, or lack thereof. I was having a conversation with Gisella and Lisa about the wonderful books they read all the time. I thought to myself, "those lucky people with all their free time to read books." Then it occured to me that Gisella does at least as much work, if not more work than me at school and clearly she has time to read books that don't involve hybrid bonding. I obviously feel no such luxury. I began wondering what it is that I do with all my time. Supposedly there are 24 hours in a day. Sometimes I swear my days have about 16 hours, 8 which (hopefully) I'm asleep. Something tells me I waste a lot of time. Most people waste time having fun. I don't think that's my problem. I wonder how people in my business have time for a life when most of the time I feel like I do not. Oh, wait, maybe it's the full-time work plus a summer course. You know, that stubborn over-achiever thing I have going on? Yeah that could definitely be it.

Sometimes my work makes me feel stupid. OK that's a lie. My work continually makes me feel stupid. Well, not Kyle's city worker friend stupid, but stupid none the less. There is a biochemist from the University of Virgina who recently published an essay on how research is inherently stupidifying (is that even a word???). His point is that research involves venturing into the uncharted and if you don't feel stupid you're probably not trying hard enough. Whatever. Feeling incompetent ad infinitum starts to wear on one's self-confidence after a while. And by "one" I mean me.

It's totally natural that I, as an undergrad summer student, should know as much about chemistry as the post-doc I continually rub (ok, bump/jab) elbows with at the bench every day. Yeah, maybe if I'm David Kummer. For those not in the know, David Kummer designed his own natural product synthesis as an undergrad (FYI...that's kind of a big deal). Look him up. Check under Nobel Laureates of 2034.

OK so maybe I'm expecting a little too much and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. There's still something moderately depressing about failing 7 of 10 times you try something. I didn't really have thick enough skin to be a baseball player and I'm beginning to wonder if the scenario could be repeated with research. Honestly it doesn't help to hear about my friends working government jobs (municipal is still government...) for the summer making at least 50% more than me. I could make more money shoveling shit all summer. You're laughing because you think I'm kidding. Although this job does have some perks: I left work for about three hours today and nobody really noticed or cared. Plus there's all the free ether I can handle!

I told my dad the other day I thought of the perfect job. I want a job that pays me about $80 000 a year to start, allows me to wear a swanky suit to work and sit in a corner office in some very cool city. Naturally I would be the best in my company at whatever I do so the job security is excellent. I told my dad I would search the morning classifieds. I think my dad was searching my room for ether earlier. Honestly, it's disheartening that everything I even remotely want do with my life requires me to go to school longer. All I want is enough money to move out of my parents basement and enough free time to have a hobby.

Over the course of the past 40-ish minutes I've discovered that normal people talk to their friends when they're frustrated. Apparently I vent to cyberspace. Well, whatever makes you (me) happy I guess. Given that I haven't posted for like six months I'm pretty sure nobody is going to read this and thus I will truly be venting to cyberspace, and the creepy Brazilian who keeps commenting on my blog in Portuguese. In my mind she's gorgeous, and a swimsuit model. Whatever. It's probably a flaming 63 year old postal worker from Arkansas who thinks I'm 14 and into that kind of thing. Wait, there's no way anybody in Arkansas can speak Portuguese. California, then.